- May 25, 1984 (Age: 34)
- California, USA
<br /><br />Grif: [the Red and Blue teams call a truce] So now we're forced to work together? How ironic.<br />Simmons: No, that's not ironic! Ironic would be if we had to work together to hurt each other!<br />Donut: No, ironic would be, if instead of that guy kidnapping Lopez, Lopez kidnapped him.<br />Sarge: I think it would be ironic if our guns didn't shoot bullets, but instead squirted a healing salve that cured all wounds.<br />Caboose: I think it would be ironic if everyone was made of iron.<br /><br />Sarge: Why don't we try to find O'Malley?<br />Caboose: I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while. Maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates.<br />Sarge: Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left. And the carpet. And the drapes. And I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back, if you know what I mean.<br /><br />Sarge: [Caboose is standing on Sarge's shoulders, looking into the Blue Team's base] What do you see?<br />Caboose: I see... A room.<br />Sarge: And? What's in the room?<br />Caboose: There are some walls... And some ceilings. Wait! Just one ceiling.<br />Sarge: What's makin' all that racket?<br />Blue Team: Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds!<br />Caboose: You are not going to like it<br /><br />Caboose: Sergeant! Look! A sleeping person!<br />Sarge: What? Holy Macaroon.<br />[Checks out the dead person]<br />Sarge: He's not sleeping, son, he's dead.<br />Caboose: Oh good. At first, I thought that was me because I am blue and I like to sleep. But if he is dead, that cannot be me. That would be silly<br /><br />Sarge: Get over here! Give me a boost!<br />Caboose: Okay...<br />[walks up close to Sarge]<br />Caboose: You... are a good person. And people say... nice things about you.<br />Sarge: Not a morale boost, moron, a physical one. I need to see what's in that window.<br />Caboose: That window is very high. I don't think you are tall enough.<br />Sarge: I know. I need you to help me look through it.<br />Caboose: I don't think I am tall enough either. Also, my head is *round*, that window is *square*.<br /><br />Caboose: I just... need to... get angry... and say... mean things... like... uh, your... brain... is... a... mountain... of... hatred.<br />Sarge: I never thought I'd reach the moment in my life when I actually missed Grif, but here it is.<br /><br />Sarge: [Trumpet playing is heard in the distance] Shh, quiet. Do you hear that?<br />Caboose: Yes, that noise is called water. It is very wet, and very sloshy...<br />Sarge: I was talkin' about the trumpet, bluetard!<br /><br />Caboose: [acting evil] Your toast has been BURNT, and no amount of scraping will get rid of the black stuff!<br /><br />Church: Is this why you guys came home so fast?<br />Caboose: No, we came home because the alien died, and because the uh, glowing sword turned out to be a, uh glowing key.<br />Church: Yeah, a glowing key that could still STAB people.<br />Caboose: Right.<br />Church: So it is a sword. It just happens to function like a key in very specific situations.<br />Caboose: Or it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death.<br />Church: Goddamn, man, I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes.<br />Caboose: Yeah. I have a really good time!<br />Church: [laughing] Yeah, it seems like it. You know, I don't think I'd get anything done, but I probably wouldn't care that much.<br /><br />Church: So how are you doing Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?<br />Caboose: I think so. That guy Tex is really a robot... and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a *** robot.<br />Church: ...Yeah. That's right. I'm a *** robot.<br /><br />Tucker: [Talking about who will go on the 'Quest for the Sword'. Church and Tex admit that they aren't going] What? Then who?<br />[Looks at Caboose]<br />Tucker: No ******' way. I'm not going with him!<br />Caboose: Oh, oh, oh. I hope we meet a cleric along the way! None of us know how to heal.<br />The Alien: Blaar Honk.<br />Andy The Bomb: [Translating] He says he's a healer.<br />Caboose: Oh, good!<br />Andy The Bomb: Heh heh. Not really. They eat their wounded.<br />[Andy continues to snigger]<br />Caboose: Just like chiropractors...<br />Tucker: This is a JOKE, right? You're sending Caboose? What's wrong with you?<br />Church: What's wrong with me? I saw a chance to get rid of Caboose and I took it. There's nothing wrong with me!<br />Caboose: [Completely not paying attention to what the others are saying] Okay, so... um... Tucker's the fighter... ah... Crunchbite is the healer... And I am the powerful, and intelligent, wizard: Morphumax.<br />Andy The Bomb: What the hell does that make me?<br />Caboose: You're the good looking and stealthy archer.<br />Andy The Bomb: A bow and arrow? I don't have any arms, you freakin' moron!<br />Caboose: That is what makes you so stealthy.<br /><br />Tucker: Ooo-kay. Church... is trying to get a TRANSLATOR. So that WE can TALK to EACH OTHER.<br />Church: Tucker, the enormous alien doesn't speak our language. Speaking slowly is not gonna help.<br />Tucker: What? I'm talking to Caboose.<br />Church: Oh.<br />Caboose: [camera pans to reveal Caboose] I don't understand. Are-are-are you hungry? Tucker, are you hungry? Are you cold?<br />Tucker: What? No.<br />Caboose: Do you need a blanket? Tucker, do you want some hot dogs and a blanket?<br />Tucker: Damn it, no, Caboose, I'm NOT cold, I don't want a hot dog, and if you put mustard in my ******* sheets again, I'm gonna kill you.<br /><br />Caboose: Okay, gargantuan alien, now that we have decided to keep you, you need a real name. I vote for Fluffy.<br /><br />Tex: Just tell us! What did you see?<br />Church: Umm, it was a really big... Thing...<br />Tex: That's your story? You saw a big thing?<br />Tucker: Ahh, my story had a big thing too. You just didn't give it time to develop.<br />Church: Well, I didn't really get a good look at it.<br />Caboose: At Tucker's big thing?<br />Church: No, you dumbass! At the big thing in the base that attacked me!
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